Puttin on the Ritz (crackers)

Well, I did it. I survived yet another holiday season existing pretty much on cheese and crackers, chocolate and wine. Inundated with the latest blood-rock, i-gadget and luxury sedan commercials, I’m left wondering how many years we have until WalMart opens their doors on Christmas day. The last month is a blur of parties and people and trips to the post office. And now, all I have left to show for it is a common cold and a half eaten box of Ritz crackers, which I admit I’m eating for breakfast as I sit down to write my resolutions for 2014.

First and foremost, my new year’s resolution is to create positivity and keep putting it (myself) out there. I know it won’t be easy; it’s hard to keep smiling at strangers on the sidewalk who don’t smile back. And it’s hard to be a courteous driver when there is too much traffic for our two-lane highway. But I intend to wake up each day and forgive and forget yesterday’s trespasses— except for litterbugs. I have to call them out, I can’t help myself. I’m turning into my mother.

As a teenager I remember thinking I would die of embarrassment whenever my mom broke into song in the middle of the grocery store aisle. As if singing Build Me Up Buttercup as we filled the cart revealed anything more than our ability to carry a tune. Now, of course, I gravitate to those people in the grocery store; the wholehearted ones, the ones who aren’t afraid to show their true selves to the world.

If necessity is the mother of invention, then vulnerability and honesty are its sisters. If you think about it, without vulnerability there is no creativity. And in order to create something real, and sustainable, it takes sincerity. (Fraud can’t pass itself off for long before party-goers wander off to talk to someone more interesting, someone genuine.) And if we’re not creating, then seriously, what’s the friggin point? I mean, why bother to get out of our pajamas? (Don’t get me wrong— in a perfect world we would all be able to create our lives in our pajamas. And I do think we’re headed in the right direction, towards loose-fitting, comfortable clothing for everyone. Think today’s yoga pants in public vs. the conforming suit lines of 80s corporate slave wear.)

Vulnerability is a funny thing in our culture. It’s not promoted as a positive, and yet just being alive is to be vulnerable. We don’t encourage it in our children, especially our boys. Vulnerability is perceived as the opposite of strength, but is it really? Not according to Dr. Brené Brown, vulnerability researcher:

“Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives. And I have come to the belief –this is my twelfth year doing this research– that vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” –Brené Brown*

Dr. Brown collects data from everyday people; people who fall down and make mistakes and then get up and do it again. People who are searching for the same thing we all are: connection. Family, Fame, Fortune, Faith, or Forestry, whichever one of the Five Fs we’re currently seeking is most likely a chance to feel like we’re a part of something bigger. Something substantial. Something we can point to and say look! I belong to this.

After all, we’re humans. Not the most foresighted creatures in the universe, but we got a lotta heart. And as soon as we stop believing in Santa and his military-industrial complex, we might even evolve to be a kind, sharing, sincere species. A species invested in our children’s planet. Dare I say it? A species that doesn’t rank each other by the color of our suits. It’s 2014, for Pete’s sake! If we can’t put ourselves out there— show our true colors, as they say, then at the very least can we stop judging each other for our cracker preferences. Whether it’s melba toast, or gluten-free oat crisps with rosemary and raisins, or just a plain ole Ritz, it does the job. It holds the vulnerable cheese.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html