You know what I hate? Prejudice and pretense. But that’s no surprise;
I’ve always been more of a socialist than a socialite. I like truth and
integrity and clearly stating one’s objective. Like Dr. Seuss, “I meant what I
said and I said what I meant. An elephant’s faithful one-hundred percent!” For
instance, I hate reading a magazine article titled The Top 10 Things That Make
a Woman Feel and Look Younger and not realizing until Thing 4 that it was
written by a man. (Also, I hate folding fitted sheets, but for entirely
different reasons...)
Here is my own list of Top 10 things that ACTUALLY make a
woman feel younger:
1. Being called a dirty blonde Tina Fey— whether or
not this was a compliment, it was taken as one! Tina Fey is my idol and I think
she must eat some kind of caffeine and ephedrine time-release protein bars to
get it all done in a day.
2. Going to the bar with a girlfriend who isn’t yet
40. Not only do the bartenders still flirt, but you quickly forget that you
can’t have more than two drinks if you’re going to run in the Mike-the-headless-chicken
race the next day.
3. Hiking in Aspen. (Little hint ladies: plastic
surgery makes you end up looking older than Father Time. Also, you look a bit
like a Muppet stripper.)
4. Having dinner with a conspiracy theorist who was
alive during Watergate. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you…
5. Chocolate ice cream.
6. Choosing an immaturely named shade of pink for
the pedicure. Examples: Watermelon mist, Cajun Coral, Romeo & Joliet.
7. Spending the weekend with your move-a-body
friends. (As in the old joke: a good friend will help you move, but a best
friend will help you move a body.)
8. Playing hooky.
9. Playing Mario Bros., and/or Donkey Kong.
10. Sitting under fluorescent lights on a
quasi-comfortable chair daydreaming about hiking up Marion Gulch… when suddenly
my head snaps up— Whoa! Wait! What just happened? (It’s like being in high
school all over again, except this time I actually care about the outcome.) The
BOCC overturned the P&Z decision that vacating County Road 106 does not
comply with the comprehensive plan. I disagree, Commissioner Jankovsky, I think
the connectivity of a well-used public right-of-way completely complies with
the comprehensive plan. And are you sure it’s a good idea to give public land
away to the private sector in an election year? Just because a path isn’t
marked on a map drawn by a commission (a commission with two CRMS employees on
it) doesn’t mean it isn’t used daily by the community. County Road 106 is over
one hundred years old, and while I understand the only constant is change, that’s
change for the greater good, not a privileged few. Forgoing the rights of 1,000
taxpayers for the betterment of 200 campus dwellers is not in the line of
public service. Besides, the biggest threat to school safety usually comes from
within, so it’s actually the residents of Carbondale and Satank who are in
danger from the proximity of such an insecure campus.
Before building a million dollar welcome center right on the
county road, maybe the CRMS administration should ask itself if it’s really in their
mission to alienate the community for the sake of money and horses. (By the
way, didn’t CRMS have an equestrian program back in the days when there was
still vehicular traffic on County Road 106?)
Stating that the pastureland surrounding CRMS might ‘go away’
if the school doesn’t get what it wants is like a toddler threatening to take
his ball and go home. And a big problem with that strategy is that Carbondale
is surrounded by billionaires who could easily break into their piggy banks and
buy agricultural land the size of CRMS for a tax write off. In fact, we could make
it a fundraiser; an auction with lemonade and little sandwiches with the crusts
cut off…
Whew! I feel younger already; nothing like a game of Pass
the Grey Poupon to make me feel like a kid again.
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