My favorite coffee shop tip jar sign reads: ‘Fear Change?
Then leave it here!’ Change is constant and, I believe, as necessary as oxygen
or water to our survival. Without change we have stagnation, and with
stagnation comes apathy; the next thing you know, you’re watching soap operas
all day in your pajama bottoms and the mosquitos are buzzing.
What a change we’ve seen in leading men just in my lifetime.
From Rick Springfield (who had already been on General Hospital for like ten
years) to Justin Bieber (who looks like he is
ten years old.) I mean, Magnum P.I. could kick the shit out of Team Wolf or
Team Vampire, even with their special glow in the sunlight powers. Magnum was a
Navy Seal, don’t forget, and he and Rick were always getting caught up in bar
fights that weren’t their fault. Well, maybe they were Rick’s fault— he was
kind of a slut.
The point is, what a difference a few decades can make. And
not just in entertainment: equal rights, fashion, energy, organic food— of
course, that last one’s a remake. Back in the black and white days they didn’t
have to pay more for real food, it was their food. Adding preservatives to what
we eat is a fairly new idea (and about as good of one as bell bottoms, I might
add.)
Benzene in our water, fish in our tomatoes, what is going on
around here?! “Where the hell’s the records room?!” –Dr Rosenpenis. The bees
won’t pollinate our crops because they are genetically modified, we’re building
leaky pipelines through our backyards to send oil to China, and we are still waiting
for some Americans to catch up with the class in respect to equality in the law.
To those people who think the business of marriage should be accessible only to
heterosexuals, I say: “Get over yourselves, in the name of the ‘Mother, the Son
and the Holy Ghost!” – AW (It should be the Mother, the Son and the Holy Ghost,
I mean those are the major players, right?)
We have got to get to the next level already, and we don’t
have time for the Muggles to pack up their oppressive, cave-day ideas and bring
them along. Imagine life on Earth is a video game (it does seem to be how an
awful lot of people spend their free time…) It’s time to slay the dragon once
and for all and move up to the level of clean energy, equal rights and floating
cupcakes for everyone. And this time let’s pick an energy source with a smaller
margin of human error and less room for greed to get its grubby little fingers
on every point of sale.
“Today’s energy system is not just
inefficient; it is also disconnected, aging, dirty and insecure.” – Amory
Lovins.
Just like those women who walk around Aspen in their fur
coats and rubber lips. Speaking of Aspen, I was up there delivering this fine
publication a couple of weeks ago, and I was told that there is no need to
leave Sopris Suns in the Hotel Jerome anymore. They don’t want us to squander
our resources, seeing as we are a ‘smaller operation.’ (That’s how sycophants
to the uber-rich say ‘take a hike’.) So I just want to let everyone know that
you will no longer be able to read about upcoming events at the Wheeler Opera
House or see a picture of Middle Schoolers on a field trip in the Hotel Jerome
lobby, but I’m sure the billionaires will appreciate having more room for their
daily real estate ads. There’s a cliché: the more things change, the more they
stay the same. And then there’s Aspen…
But be sure to look for local news, images and opinion when
you stay with the Inn at Aspen. Remember when it was a Holiday Inn? Complete
with Magic Fingers vibrating beds and that freaky psychedelic carpet in the
seemingly endless hallways… Ah, the good ole days, back when the Bee Gees were
still around. Not to mention the bees.
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