Well, I did it. I survived yet another holiday season
existing pretty much on cheese and crackers, chocolate and wine. Inundated with
the latest blood-rock, i-gadget and luxury sedan commercials, I’m left
wondering how many years we have until WalMart opens their doors on Christmas
day. The last month is a blur of parties and people and trips to the post
office. And now, all I have left to show for it is a common cold and a half
eaten box of Ritz crackers, which I admit I’m eating for breakfast as I sit
down to write my resolutions for 2014.
First and foremost, my new year’s resolution is to create
positivity and keep putting it (myself) out there. I know it won’t be easy;
it’s hard to keep smiling at strangers on the sidewalk who don’t smile back.
And it’s hard to be a courteous driver when there is too much traffic for our
two-lane highway. But I intend to wake up each day and forgive and forget
yesterday’s trespasses— except for litterbugs. I have to call them out, I can’t
help myself. I’m turning into my mother.
As a teenager I remember thinking I would die of
embarrassment whenever my mom broke into song in the middle of the grocery
store aisle. As if singing Build Me Up Buttercup as we filled the cart revealed
anything more than our ability to carry a tune. Now, of course, I gravitate to
those people in the grocery store; the wholehearted ones, the ones who aren’t
afraid to show their true selves to the world.
If necessity is the mother of invention, then vulnerability
and honesty are its sisters. If you think about it, without vulnerability there
is no creativity. And in order to create something real, and sustainable, it
takes sincerity. (Fraud can’t pass itself off for long before party-goers
wander off to talk to someone more interesting, someone genuine.) And if we’re
not creating, then seriously, what’s the friggin point? I mean, why bother to get
out of our pajamas? (Don’t get me wrong— in a perfect world we would all be
able to create our lives in our pajamas. And I do think we’re headed in the
right direction, towards loose-fitting, comfortable clothing for everyone.
Think today’s yoga pants in public vs. the conforming suit lines of 80s
corporate slave wear.)
Vulnerability is a funny thing in our culture. It’s not
promoted as a positive, and yet just being alive is to be vulnerable. We don’t
encourage it in our children, especially our boys. Vulnerability is perceived
as the opposite of strength, but is it really? Not according to Dr. Brené
Brown, vulnerability researcher:
“Vulnerability is not weakness. I
define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our
daily lives. And I have come to the belief –this is my twelfth year doing this
research– that vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.”
–Brené Brown*
Dr. Brown collects data from everyday people; people who
fall down and make mistakes and then get up and do it again. People who are
searching for the same thing we all are: connection. Family, Fame, Fortune, Faith,
or Forestry, whichever one of the Five Fs we’re currently seeking is most
likely a chance to feel like we’re a part of something bigger. Something substantial.
Something we can point to and say look! I belong to this.
After all, we’re humans. Not the most foresighted creatures
in the universe, but we got a lotta heart. And as soon as we stop believing in Santa
and his military-industrial complex, we might even evolve to be a kind,
sharing, sincere species. A species invested in our children’s planet. Dare I
say it? A species that doesn’t rank each other by the color of our suits. It’s
2014, for Pete’s sake! If we can’t put ourselves out there— show our true
colors, as they say, then at the very least can we stop judging each other for
our cracker preferences. Whether it’s melba toast, or gluten-free oat crisps
with rosemary and raisins, or just a plain ole Ritz, it does the job. It holds
the vulnerable cheese.
